Ok, I may have just gone off the deep end.
2 slices of ice cream cake to celebrate my employer’s 75th Anniversary! DQ ™ blizzard cake with Heath ™ and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups ™ mixed in. Mmmmm…so good. Not to mention Italian food for lunch. Ziti, lasagna, and eggplant – quite a triple threat.
I didn’t fall asleep in my chair, thank goodness, but I didn’t feel my best afterwards either. Carbs like sugar and white flour usually give me discomfort in my liver , make me lethargic and lead to bathroom breaks that aren’t all that fun, to say the least.
Why, oh why do I torture myself so?
An Overweight Burden
Food has always been a focal point in my life. I come from an overweight and undernourished family. We joke about how the men develop “The Marsha Gut”. I had mine by the time I was four years old, unlike my cousins who were all of normal weight growing up. My father would bribe me with sweets so I would ride with him when he did his field work. My mom was a frugal grocery shopper which meant cube steak, casseroles and hot dogs for dinner. I wasn’t very active as a kid, either. I couldn’t master riding a bike and Mom rarely let me out alone on the rural road in front of our house where cars often traveled too fast for their own good.
I guess the deck was stacked against me. I developed bad habits. Bad eating habits and bad dieting habits. My Dad lost 100 pounds when I was 9 years old using the Blackburn Diet, a precursor of the Atkins Plan. He gained them all back and then some. I would find myself on a new diet every other week but I would also find myself emulating my father by eating second helpings and snacking at night.
I carried my weight well into adulthood but finally cracked the code, losing 105 pounds over the course of 7 years, 50 of them in 2010 alone. How did I do it? I have an old boss to thank for part of my inspiration. He told me just to imagine playing football with Jack as he’s growing up and how I wouldn’t be able to keep up tipping the scales at 300 pounds. I still carry that mental picture with me but on that fateful anniversary day all I was thinking about was gluttony. The taste, the smell, the shared experience of a big celebration.
Connecting with a New Vision
My frustration and helplessness led me straight to God. I asked Him “why?” and He sent me the answer very quickly. Thank you again Lord for your bountiful wisdom. It was nothing more than a lack of vision. I’d let it get away for a few moments and that’s all it took for the devil to swoop in and gain a foothold.
Recently I clawed and scratched my way back down to 215 from 235, losing the weight I’d gained since moving from Wichita back to Kansas City. I had a real sense of purpose then. Once I saw what 215 looked like again and experienced what it felt like, I let off. I took it easy for a bit and that’s when the evil one snuck in and took control. Sadly, I’ve done this before – reached a goal and hung out there awhile literally sick of all the sacrifice that went into getting there.
What’s the deal?
Maybe it’s that final number of 180 pounds? Is it a bit too far away? Is it too hard to reach because I’m not sure what it looks like? Perhaps it’s only a number and that’s why it seems so elusive. Isn’t what I can do at 180 so much more important that being 180 itself?
Why am I slimming down anyway?
The vision of playing football with Jack is great but there’s so much more. You see, I’m getting healthy in order to do the work God has put me here to do. I’ll need to be fit and energetic to meet the demands he’ll put upon me. I can only see bits and pieces of His plan now but I just feel in my heart that the work I’m to do will carry me near and far. Near as in my backyard with my son, my dog and a bunch of my neighbors. Far – well I’ll just leave that up to God.
Question: Have you taken a negative from your upbringing and turned into a positive – creating change for yourself and inspiring others? I’d love to hear your story in the form of a comment below…