In reality, everything is happening exactly as it should but my stubbornness and my unwillingness to just stop and listen to what the Lord is trying to tell me leads me into these dark places. Hey, I guess admitting the problem is half the battle. You all get to see exactly what I do about it right here and that’s the beauty of it. What type of teacher would you rather have, one who can recite the theory or one who knows what actually works because he’s been there?
So here’s some more about what’s been going on the past few days…
Thursday – Too tired to even bother. I struggle with this. Am I being wise by not pushing past my limits or am I not doing whatever it takes to be successful? Having lived a life of wanting results without putting in the work, you can understand where I’m coming from.
Thursday was not a fun day, although I could have made it one. I was sore from my renewed commitment to fitness. Everyone noticed this at work. Attitude helps you deal with pain. A good attitude produces joyful suffering. Painful now, but with great reward down the road. A bad attitude can derail progress and lead you to quitting in order to avoid short term discomfort.
Thankfully, I didn’t quit. I took Friday off but on Saturday I was right back at it.
More bad news on the weight loss front. I was looking forward to our catered lunch from Salsa Grill. A little too forward to it, unfortunately. Many bad choices. Full and discouraged. Didn’t have to go that way.
Thursday also marked a day of great uncertainty about my calling. Where do my unique skills fit in? How exactly do I add value? Not knowing the answer was discouraging. Didn’t have to be. More on that later.
Friday – Legs and arms feeling better. The pace slowed a bit at work. A better day on that front. Food another story. More bad choices. For the first time in recent memory, I was challenged on my commitment to health. One of my employees looked at the plate of nachos I was eating and boldly asked, “Is that on your diet?”
Why, no it’s not. What diet? Yep, those words came from my mouth. Gotta admire my honesty. No denial there. Disappointing having just declared a new cleanse had begun a couple days earlier.
Bad news on the family health front too. Can’t provide details yet. It’s not myself, Jenny or Jack but that’s all I can share, sorry. Confidentiality comes first and foremost. Only mentioning it because more bad food choices occurred after learning of it. Low states of mind, caused by news like this, can lead to comforting decisions like eating unhealthy yet comforting foods.
Friday did produce an idea on how to position myself. Seems like a lot of the people writing books on spiritual growth have a pastoral background. What about a regular guy chronicling his spiritual growth using regular language and without PhD. level biblical research? Sounds accessible to me.
Saturday – I wanted to break a pattern today and I succeeded. I’ve talked the talk about going to the gym on Saturday for what seems like forever. Today I did it. I got out of bed early, got dressed and went. I did the full GVT routine for upper body, then enjoyed a nice breakfast in the Life Cafe. I brought breakfast home for Jennifer and Jack, then jumped in the shower.
This afternoon features a long overdue trip to confession. Amen.
As I was outside this morning with Cady Jane some thoughts appeared. Does Stephen King know exactly what his book will be about when he begins? No. He has an idea, a basic story he’d like to tell but the process of writing always takes the story in directions even he couldn’t have anticipated.
Why should my book be any different?
The rest of Saturday involved a lot of leisure, perhaps too much. “Too much leisure on a Saturday?” Yes. Now we have a house in need of tidying up and likely some errands to run that I don’t even know about yet. Sunday is tomorrow and it’s a day of rest, leisure, family bonding, and worship. No unnecessary work is to be done on Sunday. All this on the same day my sins were wiped cleaned.
That damned devil. He never rests. I take solace in the fact that he attacks those he fears the most the hardest. Just tells me there are great things the Lord is expecting from me. Time to start spending more time listening to Him and preparing to do His work.
On that note, I take my leave of you.
God bless,