Common Causes of a Gray Divorce
There are several reasons why divorce in your 60s and beyond might become a reality. The dynamics of any marriage are constantly shifting. Later-in-life divorces between an older couple often stem from complex, deeply personal reasons.
Whether driven by financial, emotional, or lifestyle factors, knowing the signs of a gray divorce and how problems in a marriage can lead to its demise — even after years or decades of sharing your life — might help you and your partner decide on the next best move for everyone concerned.
Growing apart
Over time, you and your partner might grow apart. The children have grown into adults and left, and financial or career pressure may be lessening. Suddenly, many couples realize they have little in common anymore.
Empty nest syndrome
When the kids leave home, and empty nest syndrome kicks in, it can create distance between an older couple. It’s not uncommon for the demands of parenting to mask various underlying issues in a relationship. Those issues can resurface once the kids leave, revealing a lack of connection or shared goals that are crucial to maintaining a healthy, satisfying marriage.
Finances
Money disagreements are always a threat to marriage. Research suggests up to 50% of couples cite financial struggles as a contributing factor in their divorce.
Even if the fight isn’t over lack of money, it can still be a significant source of contention between spouses. Differing views on how to spend money in retirement, how much savings you’ll need to support your lifestyle, and how to manage retirement assets, accounts, and funds can all cause severe strain on a marriage.
Infidelity
Infidelity in a relationship can happen at any time, but the discovery of a physical or emotional betrayal can be particularly harrowing after decades of marriage. The shattered trust and subsequent reevaluation of the relationship’s future can be too much for some older couples to recover from.
New, stronger need for independence
With age can come a new — or renewed — desire for independence and growth. For some people, seeking new experiences or relationships becomes more important in the later stages of life, with or without spousal support. That can be difficult if a marriage feels stifling or overbearing, and the quest for self-discovery or autonomy can be too a driving factor in some older couples’ decisions to divorce.
Health issues
As health issues become more complex and severe with age, they can become taxing on a marriage. Some couples will indeed grow closer in times of adversity, but for others, the experience can be more than their marriage can handle.
Lifestyle changes after retirement
Retirement brings lifestyle changes that can impact any marriage. Couples who’ve had separate careers and routines for years might struggle to adjust when they suddenly have so much time to spend together. Some may even find themselves retired and lonely despite being with their partner. The resulting conflict might lead to divorce, especially if the post-retirement vision differs regarding things like travel, living arrangements, or time and money spent.
Unresolved conflict
Long-standing, unresolved conflicts or resentments can begin to deeply divide partners. This might be due to one or both parties feeling a sense that “time is running out,” which can be common during the later years of life. Issues that were once tolerable or manageable might begin to feel insufferable.