Confession ‘is a place to encounter God’s mercy, his forgiveness, and not only that, to receive grace,’ says Dominican Father Thomas Petri.
How long is too long when it comes to confession? The question has taken over social media threads recently, with lay Catholics frequently airing frustrations over long confessional lines stalled by sessions that sometimes last 30 minutes.
“I’ve lost track of how many times I actually haven’t been able to go to confession because I couldn’t wait in the line,” said Ashley McGuire, a mother of five and senior fellow at The Catholic Association. “Either it was too hard wrangling children or I just ran out of time.”
What is a proper time to spend behind the screen? And where does the line fall between a proper confession and spiritual direction?
We turned to Dominican Father Thomas Petri in a recent EWTN Radio interview to get his take.
Father Petri, a moral theologian currently serving at St. Louis Bertrand Catholic Church in Louisville, Kentucky, emphasized during a recent episode of Conversations with Consequences that confession is meant to be a swift, direct encounter with God’s mercy rather than an open-ended psychological session. In fact, he lightheartedly calls out the extreme delays often complained about online, saying that “10 minutes I think is already too long” and “20 minutes is irrational.”
So here are 10 quick tips from Father Petri for your next trip to the confessional.
1. Remember That Confession Is Not Therapy
The primary focus is receiving forgiveness and grace rather than seeking counseling.
“The sacrament is not the moment when you go into a confessional, sit in front of the priest, pour out all of your problems, and expect some sort of direction or counseling. … It really is a place to encounter God’s mercy, his forgiveness, and not only that, to receive grace …”
2. Keep It Brief and Aim for Two to Three Minutes
A typical confession should be concise and focused from start to finish.
“I think a confession should, on average, from starting to confess your sins to receiving absolution and walking out of the confessional, should not take more than about two, two and a half minutes.”
3. List Your Sins Clearly with Kind and Number
Focus on clear enumeration rather than long, complicated narratives.
“It really is much more freeing and liberating just … to go in and simply to list your sins, and with mortal sins to be specific and with the number of times you’ve committed them since your last confession.”
4. Avoid Giving Unnecessary Details or Backstories
The priest does not need a full breakdown of the circumstances surrounding your actions.
“As a priest, when I have someone in the confessional who is going on with details or going on about their life … the priest, the confessor, doesn’t need to know any of that.”
On this week’s podcast: why confession is not therapy, or spiritual direction. Fr. Thomas Petri, O.P., provides some surprising and refreshing opinions on the subject. Here’s a clip–but listen to the whole podcast! @PetriOP https://t.co/quZ1RNQEiB
— Catholic Association (@CatholicAssoc) October 7, 2026
5. Focus on Your Own Sins, Not Other People’s
Keep the focus on your personal accountability rather than the behavior of relatives or neighbors.
“The priest, the confessor, doesn’t need to know … what their husband did or their wife did or why they did this or why they did that.”
6. Use the Screen or Grille to Remove Distractions
Going behind the screen shifts the focus away from the human dynamic and onto Christ.
“I came to realize that the grille does not diminish the sacrament, it removes obstacles to its grace. … It’s not a personal encounter between priest and penitent, but in fact an encounter between penitent and the mercy and love of Jesus Christ.”
7. Seek Separate Appointments for Spiritual Direction
If you need extensive guidance for ongoing discernment, set up time outside the confessional.
“If that’s what a penitent really wants, I recommend that they seek a priest outside of confession for what we would traditionally call spiritual direction, which can be a little bit more of a conversation.”
8. Look to Religious Priests for Spiritual Guidance
If your parish priest lacks time for extended direction, reach out to local religious orders.
“My one piece of concrete advice on that is always look to religious priests… friars, Dominican friars, Franciscan friars in your area … usually see spiritual direction as part of their priesthood … and they have the freedom of time to do that.”
9. Do Not Overthink Unique or Embarrassing Sins
Priests routinely hear similar confessions and do not dwell on individual sins.
“Your confessions are not that unique. … You are not special in your sinfulness, okay? I hear confessions one after the other, and for the most part, everybody is confessing the same things. … There’s only so many songs you can play in the confessional …”
10. Be Considerate of Others Waiting in Line
Keep the line moving so other penitents have an opportunity to receive absolution.
“In my view as a priest, we need to clean and absolve as many souls as possible in the time that a priest has. … if you go into the confessional and there was no one behind you in line, you should not presume there will be no one behind you in line while you’re in the confessional.”
At its core, keeping your confession brief ensures the focus remains right where it belongs. In the words of Father Petri, the sacrament “really is a place to encounter God’s mercy, his forgiveness, and not only that, to receive grace, to grow closer to Christ, to become the persons that God is calling you to be.”
