I guess we were all overdue for a test – a big one.
We’d planned everything out pretty darn well. #Jennifer knew when she was going to shop and which groceries she’d buy for the whole month. She wanted to go to a haunted house with her girlfriends on her birthday. We had tickets for the circus in a couple weeks, too. Oh yeah and I have a Christ Renews His Parish retreat coming up, along with a spiritual reflection during Monday’s formation meeting.
You know how plans are, though. God had His own and He put into motion when we least expected it.
I got one of those calls a husband never wants to get from his wife. “I fell and the bone is pushing through my ankle. Melanie is taking me to the ER. Meet us there.”
I gotta admit she was calmer than I thought she’d be. I expected her to deliver that type of news to me through massive tears and barely audible words. Her calm helped me stay calm. I think the #Holy Spirit had something to do with it, too. I can remember a solitary thought, “God wouldn’t give us more than we could handle.”
A Broken Leg Will Make Your Mind Wander
I was just arriving at my dietician’s office when I got her call so I headed inside to let the receptionist know this would be the shortest appointment in the history of the practice. Back in the car, I made a bee line to the hospital where her mother worked. At least I knew the red carpet would be rolled out for her. (Thanks Mary!)
The staff at OP Regional was fantastic and I expected nothing less, given the reputation of this particular HCA hospital. Familiar faces were all around which gave me comfort. Did that soften the blow of Dr. Aneet’s news? Unfortunately, no. A broken fibula and a dislocated ankle. Dr. Aneet was certain surgery would be needed.
The external world wreaked havoc on my mind in the minutes and hours following Jennifer’s accident. Here’s a random sampling of the thoughts that filed in and out…
How are we going to pay for this – the co pay’s etc?
How is my employer going to feel about how long I’ll be away from work?
Can I do this – work, housework, caring for Jack, writing this blog, working out?
Will I have to cut something out?
Will I have my witness prepared in time for the retreat?
Will Jennifer recover fully?
Will I feel sorry for myself and give into temptation with food?
Will I lose my temper and hurt Jennifer or Jack’s feelings?
Will I be able to console Jennifer and ease her fears about recovery?
Notice how far down the list my first thought of Jennifer was. The #devil was at work trying to lead me away towards selfishness. He was gaining a foothold and I needed to send him away.
A Broken Leg Helps The Devil Dig In Deeper
I got Jennifer settled into her new home on our couch and Jack off to bed. I don’t remember how I slept that night; just that I had to get up early to get Jack off to school. The rest of the day after was largely time to let it all sink in. I managed three loads of laundry, a little tidying up around the house, and the first draft of this post.
What I could have managed – well why do I keep thinking it terms of what I could have managed? Comparing what I did to what I could have done has plagued me throughout my life. Like I’m lacking the ability to accept me for who I am – including all the baggage. Where does “what I could have done come from?” Who decides that? If I decide it, what standard am I basing my decision on?
There he is again. The evil one telling me I’m not good enough.
This was a war against Satan to be fought on many fronts. He attacked me and tried to get me to crack, to feel resentment towards Jennifer for what happened and condemn her clumsiness. He attacked her as well. Guilt set in over the events leading up to her fall. She was rushing to get the groceries from Costco put away so she could run to another supermarket and get some other items on the list before picking Jack up from school.
“Why do I fall sometimes?”
“Why am I so clumsy?”
“Why was I in such a hurry?”
The devil would attack in many other ways over the next 3 weeks. Every negative, disempowering thought I’d ever had would surface. All old excuses were new again. Rationalization would become a way of life. There was no more living, just surviving minute to minute.
Geez Todd, it’s only a broken leg…
Of course. Nobody died, nobody went missing, the injuries aren’t permanent, and nobody is going bankrupt. I get it. In the moment, though, nobody else’s problems could have been worse. The devil’s work, yet again.
The story is just beginning. Continue to…The Broken Leg – Part II.
Revisit…A Preview to The Broken Leg
