For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. Romans 7:15
As I begin to write this post, I have just finished practicing what St. Paul refers to above. For the last hour or so, I’ve been watching TV on the couch, enjoying a second helping of tonight’s meatloaf and lamenting on why I have no desire whatsoever to write.
Seems like I never want to be writing unless…
- I’m doing something else that needs to be done but I’m completely bored with it.
- It’s 30 minutes after I’ve already started writing
On the flip side, when I finally have time I find ways to squander it by doing activities that are frivolous (like aimless reading on my phone or internet and flipping channels looking for something interesting on the TV). Procrastinating is the very thing I hate but I’m so good at it. You can blame Marcus Buckingham for telling us we should stick with our strengths.
Writing isn’t the only area of my life where I turn away from what I would like to do in favor of that which I hate. Before I was putting an impenetrable fortress between me and laptop I was gorging myself on all manner of foods that harden arteries and make tummies bulge.
Tastes Great, Less Filling
All foods have two sides to them – how they taste and what they do to your waist. Although not always true, there’s a reverse correlation at work. Quinoa with fresh berries tastes fairly decent while giving me lots of energy, fiber and cancer fighting antioxidants. Golden Grahams tastes like heaven in a bowl but spikes my insulin, makes me crave seconds, and fills my body with preservatives.
I believe I’m like most people who struggle with weight when I think about taste first and taste only when making food decisions. I’m also an emotional eater and I’m seeing this more and more with my wife still recovering from a broken leg. The more I feel sorry myself because of the extra burden I’m shouldering as the cook, cleaner, launderer, and grocery shopper in addition to being the husband, father, and employee – the more I look to food as comfort.
I hate the weakness that exists within me and I hate that I’ve given into it so frequently lately. The devil is entrenched and it’s getting harder and harder to chase him away. I’m not practicing using the power of sacrifice. I’m not practicing doing hard things that build my character and resolve.
It Takes a Village
A final area where I’m doing what I hate is withholding compassion from my neighbor. My next door neighbor’s son died tragically a short time ago. Not even 30, he died from what might have been a heart attack. Of course Jennifer and I prayed when we heard the news but when it came to visiting them to express our condolences, we put it off a good week.
Are we terribly close with our next door neighbor? No. That’s beside the point, though. We’re called to love our neighbor (and not just our next door neighbor) as we love ourselves. I consider myself the leader of our family and my procrastination in this matter is embarrassing, to the say the least. We righted our wrong by visiting with our neighbor last Sunday following Mass. The next day, Jennifer visited with his wife and they had a good talk which started with a long hug.
The most powerful message I take from this verse is that none of us are immune to the death-grip of sin – not even an apostle. St. Paul experienced this and wrote about it to forewarn us. What I need to not only remember but work to better understand is that it’s sin that dwells within me, not me doing the procrastinating. St. Paul said it best in Romans 7:20, “But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.”
I have a good heart that was ransomed by Jesus, but I must work constantly to beat back the forces of evil which aim to darken my heart with each passing day. Let the hard work begin again.
God bless,
Todd Marsha
Question: In what areas of your life do you do what you don’t want to do and fail to do that which you want? I’d love to read your story in the form of a comment below.
